The Pacific County Sheriff’s Office dispatch reports and Long Beach Police blotter have long been a favorite of Chinook Observer readers. Here is a highlight reel of what went down in Pacific County in 2012.

    Jan. 9 — At 8:18 p.m., a rural Long Beach resident reported someone came into the house and put something (that tasted like some kind of chemical) into a pitcher of drinking water while the resident was in the bath.

    Jan. 23 — At 3:50 p.m., a woman called wanting to press charges “against the entire 911 system for not providing her with a safe ride home.”

    Jan. 25 — At 9:34 a.m. a Menlo resident called to say he has a “trapping license and will be hunting raccoons” if any calls for shots fired are received.

    Jan. 28 — At 10:07 a.m., an Ocean Park resident reported “her ex-husband was at her house and ruined her Sleep Number bed.”

    Feb. 16 — At 12:06 p.m., rascally rabbits running loose in Bay Center were destroying plants and yards nearby.  

    Feb. 27 — At 4:47 p.m., an officer was dispatched to a church in Long Beach for a suspicious individual. When the officer arrived, it was reported that a man on a bike, with a backpack, had stolen toilet paper from a restroom.

    March 6 — At 6:35 p.m., an Ocean Park resident reported hearing threats that someone was going to hurt him and wanted to talk to an officer but first wanted to use a porta-potty and get some smokes before the officer arrived.  

    March 7 — At 1:47 p.m., an ongoing problem with a log truck driver without pants was reported. The caller said the man was in a store wearing a pair of cut-off longjohn underwear and his “junk” hangs out when he bends over. The caller approached the man and asked him where his pants were.

    March 14 —  At 10:18 a.m., a landlord reported not seeing a tenant for over a month. The door to the trailer is unlocked and all belongings still inside. The landlord described the tenant as a “nun who drives a Jaguar.”

    March 27 — An elk mount was reported stolen from a home at 11:50 a.m. The suspect was confronted and admitted taking it but won’t give it back to the oner.

    March 28 — Criminal trespass was reported at 11:49 p.m., after a man said a woman came into his residence and ripped his caller identification unit out of the wall. The man said he “does not know who the female is or what her name is, but he just knows her by reputation.”

    March 29 — At 8:39 a.m., a caller reported a dark colored horse loose near a road and said that while it was “not in the roadway it does have legs and can get there.”

    March 31 — At 8 a.m., an irate male called dispatch numerous times, including once reporting that he “needed to get laid.” When an officer made contact he “sounded very intoxicated” and wanted to know if he had any outstanding warrants against him, if he could ride a bicycle while intoxicated, if he needed a helmet while riding his bicycle and similar questions. After answering his questions the officer instructed him to stop calling dispatch unless he had an emergency.

    April 5 — At 3:13 a.m., disorderly conduct was reported for a man who said he shot himself in the foot with a Glock pistol, then said it was a squirt gun, and then continued to make statements about being back on the “big P” (the Peninsula) and wanting the dispatcher to get that “cop back here, cause he’s back.”

    April 6 — At 11:46 p.m., a fight in progress was reported on 3rd S. Pacific in Long Beach. Arriving officers found about 12 people fighting with each other. After separating all the subjects it was determined that the fight was over “one guy thinking his sports team was better than the other guy’s.” No one wanted to press charges.

    April 7 — A dastardly daffodil desperado thief was reported at 5:02 p.m., in Ilwaco.

    April 7 — At 3:17 p.m., a burglary was reported. The caller said no weapons were missing but had “left an organ in a shed.”

    April 11 — At 12:32 a.m., a man from Seaview, was booked into Pacific County Jail for fourth-degree assault with sexual motivation after he allegedly put his hand down the shirt of a woman in a tavern, and then allegedly urinated on her vehicle.

    April 11 — An intoxicated person was alleged to be “harassing” another person at 1:19 a.m. According to the caller the man peed on a vehicle and would not leave the victim alone.

    April 12 — At 2:30 p.m., a Menlo resident reported receiving calls from a man who said he wanted to “eat her.”

    April 16 — The theft of a “side of beef” and a chainsaw was reported in Nahcotta at 10:51 a.m.

    April 17 — At 6:30 p.m., a caller to dispatch reported a “teenage boy walking with a laundry bag, backpack and what looked like a purse.”

    April 19  — The prowl of a vehicle in Ocean Park, reported at 9:56 a.m., resulted in the theft of Eagle Optics binoculars and a bird book.

    April 18 — At 3:05 p.m., a Washington Avenue resident reported a lighter with a picture of Playboy bunny on it was stolen during a vehicle prowl.

    May 8 — At 1:06 p.m., an Ocean Park resident reported that someone stole a 1993 Oscar Meyer Weiner pedal car from the back yard of the home.

    May 9 — At 10:35 a.m., a 75 year old man from Long Beach, was cited for theft third-degree after he allegedly took $2.98 in washers.

    May 26 — At 9:23 p.m., someone reported that two men used a toilet that was sitting out in a yard in Long Beach.

    May 29 — A burglary was reported at 10:29 a.m. The caller said that more than 20 firearms were stolen while she was in jail.

    May 30 — At 8:57 a.m., a Bay Center resident reported being overrun by rascally rabbits. He said someone nearby got rabbits, which got loose and multiplied and they are now tearing up his place and he has lots of holes in his yard.

    June 14 — At 9:53 p.m., in Ilwaco a woman advised, “she is a federal agent and is stationed in the area on a special project, Code Name ‘Lewis and Clark Expedition.’” She also said she is “part of a group of people trying to catch a ring of pedophiles” and is being harassed by an individual who is “texting, talking and tweeting about her.”

    June 19 — A missing heifer with a silver tag in her ear was reported at 4:30 p.m. The owner said the cow is not halter broken but will follow a grain bucket.

    July 1 — At 8:56 p.m., on California Street, a man reported finding a brand-new vehicle parked in his parking spot. The car was unlocked and the keys were on the dash. After finding the owner an officer made contact and advised her not to leave her doors unlocked with the keys in plain sight.

    July 2 — At 2:23 a.m., a man called dispatch saying he had been to the emergency room earlier with ethyl alcohol problems; he came home and cannot pass gas.

    July 6 — At 12:30 p.m., a woman reported that she set up her dome tent the morning of the beach cleanup so she could spend the day on the beach. She left to eat breakfast and when she returned the tent was gone along with her sleeping bag, lawn chairs and her boyfriend’s wallet. Contact was made with beach cleanup members who said everything was put in a dumpster.

    July 9 — At 11:51 p.m., on Sid Snyder Drive, there was a report of someone lighting off fireworks and keeping other tenants awake. Officers located the suspects who were lighting off fireworks inside their house. They were advised to stop and said they would.

    July 10 — At 4:11 p.m., vandalism to a city planter box was reported. A number of plants had been pulled up or broken off and several were crushed and broken as if they had been sat on.

    July 11 — At 10:54 p.m., a woman reported her daughter’s backpack had been stolen and it had her credit cards, license and cell phone among other items in it. Nearby trashcans were checked and nothing was found. Then at 11:30 p.m., another call came in and said the backpack was found underneath Jessie’s and a raccoon had it.

    July 14 — At 11:33 a.m., a small child dialed 911 to report that a cousin had gotten ice cream from the freezer without asking.

    July 20 — At 7:14 p.m., an Ocean Park resident reported someone came into her home while she was in the shower and took her glasses off the towel in the bathroom. She also advised things like this have been happening for some time now, she believes they are coming in through a crawl space.

    Aug. 2 — At 9:54 p.m., a Naselle resident reported getting a text message that said, “OK, I hid the body, what now?”

    Aug. 5 —  At 10:48 a.m., in Seaview, a caller said, “someone put a desk on top of a stop sign.”

    Aug. 13 — At 8:52 p.m., a caller from Ocean Park reported a burglary in progress at a neighbor’s home. When dispatch asked for a description of the vehicle, the caller realized it was her husband’s truck, but had forgotten he was loading items to be donated to a local charity.

    Aug. 16 — At 2:19 p.m., in Menlo, a woman reported an opossum under her porch that she can’t get out.

    Aug. 21 — Disorderly conduct was reported at 11:51 a.m. The caller said neighbors had erected a 12-foot sign facing their home that says “Neighbor Haters.”

    Aug. 23 — Two men were reported to be outside an Ilwaco tavern, fighting over pool sticks at 10:59 p.m.

    Aug. 28 — At 5:07 p.m., a “male subject lying in the bushes with his feet sticking out” was reported. The caller stopped and asked if he was fine and he gave a thumbs up sign. The man in the bushes was scratching a lotto ticket.

    Sept. 1 —  At 7:09 p.m., an accident on the Cranberry beach approach was reported. According to the caller, one vehicle was pulling the other out and they smashed into each other and were in an argument.

    Sept. 4 — Vandalism was alleged in Ocean Park at 10:15 a.m., after weed killer had been sprayed on a yard.

    Sept. 4 —  At 10:35 a.m., someone reported that a “guy came by to ask him if he had seen a kid with no pants on that had been drinking” the night before and now they can’t find him.

    Sept. 4 — At 8:45 p.m., what was initially thought to be a fight in progress turned out to be a person who ran out of fuel yelling at a family member to bring him gas.

    Sept. 6 — At 12:12 p.m., a suspicious male was reported near a Long Beach business. The 30-year-old male said he took Viagra five hours earlier and needs an ambulance now.

    Sept. 7 — An allegedly intoxicated male was wearing a tan coat and a pirate hat was reported riding a bike in the middle of the road.

    Sept. 8 —  At 4:36 a.m., someone reported a suspicious individual near Bolstad Avenue allegedly attempting to get into RVs. Officers arrived and contacted a high intoxicated male who did not know where he was supposed to be, what city he was in, or where his left shoe was.

    Sept. 8 — At 1 p.m. a suspicious person was reported on the beach acting strangely. An officer made contact with a vagrant who was heating water and putting it into a “kiddy” pool so he could take a bath. The male was advised that while it was not a good idea for him to take at bath at his current location, a bath in general would do him good. He said OK.

    Sept. 11 —  At 5:55 a.m., an Ocean Park resident reported someone being rude to her and put a curse on her and she has not been able to sleep or eat for four days.

    Sept. 11 — At 11:09 a.m., a suspicious person was reported in Ilwaco. According to the caller, the man was in a green Mercedes with a sun roof, was wearing lots of jewelry and claimed to own Microsoft and AT&T.

    Sept. 17 — At 1:13 p.m., someone called the LBPD office asking to speak with both Obama’s and Romney’s representatives. When advised there were no representatives for these folks here and that the office doesn’t get involved in political issues while on duty, the caller said that was B.S. and then hung up.

    Sept. 17 — At 6:49 p.m., 19-year-old man from Ocean Park was cited for minor in possession and/or consumption, after he reportedly tried to get a prescription filled at a Long Beach business that wasn’t in that profession.

    Sept. 24 —  A fence was stolen from an Oysterville home and reported at 12:11 p.m. The caller said they could see the fence in a nearby yard.

    Sept. 30 — At 10:13 p.m., a man reported someone stole $300 worth of beer cans f    rom his yard.

    Oct. 1 — At 8:43 a.m., a call came in to dispatch about a small brown dog that is pooping in a nearby yard.

    Oct. 4 — At 2:13 p.m., an intoxicated male who was walking down a road near Ilwaco and drinking from a half-gallon bottle of alcohol fell into the bushes.

    Oct. 4 — At 4:28 p.m., a green alligator was reported stuffed inside a pay phone in Long Beach. The caller said it might contain a pipe bomb.

    Oct. 4 — At 4:37 p.m., an officer responded to a local business after receiving a report of a stuffed animal inside a phone booth with a pipe bomb possibly inside it. After an investigation it was determined there was nothing inside the stuffed animal and it was removed.

    Oct. 6 — A car was reported 10 feet off the road near Seaview, with the windows fogged up and the lights on at 3:29 a.m.

    Oct. 9 — At 1:14 a.m., a woman called dispatch to report that she met a guy in a bar and invited him to her room where they began to argue over different political views and she said she was scared. When an officer arrived they were in bed and said their differences of opinion had been resolved and they were calling it a night.

    Oct. 13 — At 12:54 p.m., a Raymond resident said the basket with canned tuna, jams and peaches she put in her golf cart within the past week was gone.

    Oct. 15 — The theft of a boat from a Raymond location was reported at 2:29 p.m. The boat was said to be at “Four Speed’s” house for work and it was taken.

    Oct. 25 — At 2:27 p.m., an Ocean Park resident reported having been shot in the face in July by an air rifle. He didn’t seek medical care at the time but still has the pellet in his cheek.

    Oct. 26 — The owner of a vacation home in Ocean Park reported arriving at the home at 4:17 p.m., and finding some clothes and porn movies left on his fish cleaning station.

    Oct. 29 —  At 4:06 p.m., a Seaview resident reported a stray dog was curled up on her porch. The woman said the situation is an emergency to her because her cat won’t come home with the dog there.

    Nov. 1 — Criminal trespass was reported at 12:11 a.m., in Ilwaco. The suspect was said to be wearing pants with pumpkins on them.

    Nov. 1 — At 7:30 a.m., a disturbance was reported in Long Beach involving a female and her ex-boyfriend arguing over a child and a pack of cigarettes.

    Nov. 4 — At 5:18 p.m., a woman on Sid Snyder Drive said she left her apartment and went down the hallway to visit a friend, leaving her door open. When she returned 30 minutes later she noticed her wallet was missing. She reached into her purse to show the responding officer where it should be and when she did, she found her wallet inside.

    Nov. 6 — At 8:27 p.m., a suicidal female was reported in Long Beach. The woman was going to jump off her balcony and kill herself because President Obama was re-elected. After she refused to comply with law enforcement she was taken into protective custody.

    Nov. 6 — At 8:27 p.m., a suicidal female was reported on the fourth floor of a building in Long Beach, allegedly threatening to jump off the deck. She was said to be upset over the election results. The caller alleged she had been drinking.

    Nov. 7 — At 10:15 a.m., in Ocean Park, a caller said a man in a Toyota pickup came and took signs out of her yard and then flipped her off when leaving.

    Nov. 10 — At 2:27 a.m., in Seaview, someone reported a low rider pickup acting suspiciously. The caller believes they want to “roll on him for his change.”

    Nov. 13 — At 3 p.m., a suspicious person was reported in Long Beach. The woman was described as “approximately 60 with a big curly dark brown afro hairstyle, and white tail hanging out the back of her slacks.”

    Dec. 7 — At 1:37 p.m., an individual from Chinook reported, “someone may have sold him some stolen items … grave markers.”

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